Resources: Blog Post

  
April 21, 2015

You’re too quick to come to the rescue

Michael-Bungay-StanierLast week’s presenter, Michael Bungay Stanier, had SCNetwork members pegged the moment he saw them – a bunch of rescuers.

He asked the crowd to identify which one of the roles from Stephen Karpman’s Drama Triangle they felt they most often fell into: the persecutor, victim or rescuer. A few identified as a persecutor or victim, but nearly everyone took to their feet when Michael asked who in the room was a rescuer.

All three roles are dysfunctional in the workplace, Michael said, especially if you’re trying to be a good coach.

Michael focused on the rescuer role – or the “I’ll do it” role – pointing out that it leads to low morale, reduced productivity and missed objectives. It also fosters a sense of martyrdom in the “rescuer” and actually perpetuates the Drama Triangle.

It’s easy to fall in to familiar roles, but it is possible to actively change behaviour. In fact, Michael said so much of our behaviour is habitual – 45 per cent, according to research done at Duke University – that the challenge is becoming aware it so that you can create change in yourself.

“It’s all about ‘how do you manage your behaviour so a better version of yourself shows up,” he said.

The trick is to focus on the trigger that sets off the “bad” behaviour. It’s a concept Michael borrows from Charles Duhigg, author of The Power of Habit.

Michael-Bungay-Stanier-at-SCNetwork
Michael Bungay Stanier leads the April SCNetwork workshop

Changing behaviour in 3 steps

In our case, we were trying to be better coaches by not giving too much advice.

  1. Identify the behaviour you’d like to change (ie. Giving too much advice)
  2. Determine the trigger of this behaviour (ie. When someone complains to me)
  3. Define the new behaviour (ie. Ask a good question)

Watch Michael explain how to complete this process in the video below

Michael also asked the group to identify which role in the Drama Triangle they least related to. The majority of the group stood when the victim was announced.

“The role you play least often is the role you’re most likely to be triggered by,” he said.

Michael advises defining a new behaviour so that it takes 60 seconds or less to complete – a concept he learned from B.J. Fogg, an author and expert in human behavioural change.

“Why this is so perfect in this context around having to be more coach-like more often is really the behaviour change we’re getting at is ‘Don’t give advice’ to ‘Asking a good question,” he said, adding that a good question takes well under a minute to ask.

Is there a behaviour you need to change?
What are the challenges of refraining from the role you’re used to filling?

Leave your comment on our LinkedIn group here
SCNetwork members can watch the entire session in our library.
Not an SCN member? Join the premier association of leaders for leaders here


Filed under: coaching, habits, recap

Michael-Bungay-StanierLast week’s presenter, Michael Bungay Stanier, had SCNetwork members pegged the moment he saw them – a bunch of rescuers.

He asked the crowd to identify which one of the roles from Stephen Karpman’s Drama Triangle they felt they most often fell into: the persecutor, victim or rescuer. A few identified as a persecutor or victim, but nearly everyone took to their feet when Michael asked who in the room was a rescuer.

All three roles are dysfunctional in the workplace, Michael said, especially if you’re trying to be a good coach.

Michael focused on the rescuer role – or the “I’ll do it” role – pointing out that it leads to low morale, reduced productivity and missed objectives. It also fosters a sense of martyrdom in the “rescuer” and actually perpetuates the Drama Triangle.

It’s easy to fall in to familiar roles, but it is possible to actively change behaviour. In fact, Michael said so much of our behaviour is habitual – 45 per cent, according to research done at Duke University – that the challenge is becoming aware it so that you can create change in yourself.

“It’s all about ‘how do you manage your behaviour so a better version of yourself shows up,” he said.

The trick is to focus on the trigger that sets off the “bad” behaviour. It’s a concept Michael borrows from Charles Duhigg, author of The Power of Habit.

Michael-Bungay-Stanier-at-SCNetwork
Michael Bungay Stanier leads the April SCNetwork workshop

Changing behaviour in 3 steps

In our case, we were trying to be better coaches by not giving too much advice.

  1. Identify the behaviour you’d like to change (ie. Giving too much advice)
  2. Determine the trigger of this behaviour (ie. When someone complains to me)
  3. Define the new behaviour (ie. Ask a good question)

Watch Michael explain how to complete this process in the video below

Michael also asked the group to identify which role in the Drama Triangle they least related to. The majority of the group stood when the victim was announced.

“The role you play least often is the role you’re most likely to be triggered by,” he said.

Michael advises defining a new behaviour so that it takes 60 seconds or less to complete – a concept he learned from B.J. Fogg, an author and expert in human behavioural change.

“Why this is so perfect in this context around having to be more coach-like more often is really the behaviour change we’re getting at is ‘Don’t give advice’ to ‘Asking a good question,” he said, adding that a good question takes well under a minute to ask.

Is there a behaviour you need to change?
What are the challenges of refraining from the role you’re used to filling?

Leave your comment on our LinkedIn group here
SCNetwork members can watch the entire session in our library.
Not an SCN member? Join the premier association of leaders for leaders here


Filed under: coaching, habits, recap
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